He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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