there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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