RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
