i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
