well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Randomize
