didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
