Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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