Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
