The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
