'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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