my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
