Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
