There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
