we're chasing vodka with high fives
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
You made out with two different species that night
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Randomize
