if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
