She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
