You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
How naked do you want me to be?
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
