Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Well I just put wine in my tea
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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