he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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