I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize