Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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