I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
