Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
