Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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