The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
