you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
