You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize