if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
