i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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