I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
