i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Randomize