Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
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