Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
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