Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
This is my gift to your gina
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Randomize
