So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Randomize
