I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
