don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Randomize
