I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
