I just pynch a tree in the face
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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