totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
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