I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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