Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
