Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
