I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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