i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Randomize
