Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
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