I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
