Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
we're so committed to being not committed
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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