We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
