I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
