And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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