Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
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