Me. At least after what I've been through.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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