you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
