things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
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