Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize