two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
they're like a gay fantastic four
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
