It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Randomize
