my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
