Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
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