he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
