For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
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