I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
