I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
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