Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
