he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Randomize
