I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Pooping to opera.
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