the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
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