I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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