Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
So. Much. Porn.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
