i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
She's the barista slut.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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