"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Randomize
