I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
