There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
