and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
