I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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