im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
