We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
bring money and cleavage
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
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