dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
