No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
