I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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