you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
He told me they were just razor bumps!
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
