I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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