Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
