Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
