she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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