id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
FUCK WHALES
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
