i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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