What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Randomize
