Can Purell be used as lube?
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
