My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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