In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize