Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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