I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Can't talk, ducks in the car
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
