Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
