True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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