I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
