as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
the condom got lost in my hair
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
