All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
