Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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