Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
