Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I still have a little drunk in my system
The adults are the big ones right?
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
