Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
