Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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