I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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