why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize