I think im going to throw up on grandma
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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