You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
